The moment I set eyes on my first born child I was smitten. That's actually not the right word; I was transformed and moved within my spirit, beyond human comprehension. For three days I floated on a cloud and felt emotionally and mentally invincible. Having experienced this kind of love I felt like I was untouchable. No one and nothing could ever bring me down again.

I'm not sure when the shift happened, but shortly after my baby was born I was swiftly and deeply cut by the other side of the sword which is a mothers love. I started to drown in the anxiety and fear of the potential loss or hurt of my baby. The horrid possibilities were endless and I spent my days frozen with this crippling dark fear. Desperate to feel myself again I went searching for help.

Diagnosed with postnatal depression, I soon learned, not all shades of depression were the same. I was placed on medication and sent on my way. For 8 months I felt paralyzed, my whole painbody unable to move while the dark thoughts were synthetically blurred.

Fast forward two years, holding my second child, I was busy reading a beautiful hand written card containing a special message with the meaning of my second sons name. Lincoln - "bringer of rest and peace." My mind went uncontrollably back to the murky edge where our thoughts should never go with the same scary thoughts coming back. I was paralyzed once again.

The irrational fear snowballed and it wasn't long before I was seeking help. Not fully convinced of the medical prescription, I decided to try something different.

One morning sitting in my lounge, newborn baby asleep in his Moses basket, I looked around and decided that I did not want to feel blue anymore. I was tired of feeling low, scared and exhausted. I wanted to enjoy all the little moments that were whizzing past me. I wanted to feel happy about all the blessings I'd received and deeply feel the infinite gratitude and joy that ever so softly lingered on the surface of these murky thoughts.


Standing in the middle of my living room wearing my usual postpartum clothes, I walked to the center of the lounge and started doing squats. Then some lunges. Then some push ups. My heart started beating faster, sweat forming on my face. I put some music on and for the next 15 minutes I bounced around the living room. As the beads of sweat dropped faster, I could feel the heaviness of my thoughts melting away. I began to feel lighter, giddier, more energized. Overflowing with exhilaration and calm, I decided then and there to commit myself to fitness and health. I realized in that moment that I had never seen an unhappy healthy person and that making fitness and healthy eating a priority in my life, I could keep the bitter blues at bay, no medication required!

I set up an Instagram account following other people's journeys to inspire me. I too started logging my progress, sharing my meals and workouts. I began to heal, peeling back the layers of pain and depression which I had become accustomed to. I also discovered old wounds which I realized were part of the problem. Relying on my workouts and nutritional plates to reignite my strength, I slowly started to address these sores. I've only scratched the surface of this bubbling transformation yet I already feel empowered by what I've achieved. I'm in control and the world is truly my oyster.

Sweat The Blues is a personal account of a mind and body transformation in motherhood. By focusing on eating the most nutritional foods and pushing my body physically I am on a quest to achieve lasting wellness, inside and out, as well as be the best mother I can be to my boys.